Debbie Janelle: Musings

His Grace is Enough

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 02:50:25 GMT

God's grace has proved sufficient! I (and Mom) made it through the week!

Actually the kids were as good or better than could be expected. There were some touchy times, but I suppose that's just the way it is. My nephew and niece can't be perfect all the time!

It's quite surprising. I expected to come home exhausted and stressed out with all the catching up to do. Instead I've found myself happy to be home and ready for the tasks in front of me. I think the reason is that instead of vegging out on a couch and eating way to much, I was being active and 'working' (I think painting with my nephew can count as work...right?). So, instead of feeding laziness I exchanged one sort of work for another for a time. Having done something completely different I'm ready again for the 'same old, same old.'

I enjoyed being a 'mom' for a week (actually, just an auntie...I skipped out on waking up during the night!) and having done that I've learned that when the time comes I will learn how to roll with the punches. But I am willing to let that time be a ways down the road.

For one thing I realized how hard it is to intentionally be teaching a child. Both spiritual lessons and academic ones. It's so much easier to let the TV do the talking. I think it would be even easier for a mom to settle into routine and have time fly by without taking time to teach valuable lessons. Moms really do have a challenging job. I have no idea how any mom can work at the same time!

In short, I enjoyed my week with the kids and learned I have a lot more to learn!

Replacing Mom

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:09:43 GMT

So here my mom and I are. Babysitting our two favourite little people: Theo and Zaeli, my sister's son and daughter.

The week has barely begun but I've already learned a few things. For one, I'm not sure I'm ready for the self-sacrifice required to be a mom. There's not a lot of 'me' time when hanging out with a three year old. There's a lot of 'him' time. Somehow sitting and having coffee just isn't on his radar yet! Food in general isn't on his radar. And he would much rather play and race than go for a ride in the chariot so Auntie could get a walk. So yesterday I got to buy a lot of chocolate ice cream cones from Theo at the 'ice cream place' at the play ground. I paid in rocks. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun with him. I'm just not used to thinking about someone else all day!

Secondly, I'm quite surprised at some of the blatant ideologies that come out of Theo's mouth. When Karen was trying to get him to eat something healthy his response was "I want something that will make me feel better." "What would make you feel better." "Umm...Candy." Right. He's only three and he's already trying to feel better! And he shouldn't have to eat his breakfast. Why? What is the rationale? "I want to play with my cars for a bit." As if his desires are a justifiable reason to not do something he needs to do.

He's just a kid and acting like any kid would. I just think it's amazing that we really don't need to teach a feel good message. It's already ingrained in the very fiber of our being. Hmmm. It sounds like my first and second points are quite related. Maybe I'm still a little to much like a three year old!

It's Time

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:09:20 GMT

It's time to shed some pounds.

The Bible says to judge ourselves soberly rather than more highly than we should so I looked in the mirror and said, "Yes, it's time."

But then I thought, do I want to lose weight just so that I look better and feel better about myself? Yeah, pretty much. But considering that losing weight isn't evil but rather eating too much is wrong, there must be a way to glorify God through weight loss. So here's my list of ways that I can glorify God by losing weight:

- Food has often been a god in my life. By eating less and when hungry I can remind myself that I am not a god to be pleased but rather that God is God.

- My body is called God's temple. He has given it to me to take care of, therefore it's important that I take good care of it.

- When I eat lots or the wrong things and am not active I get sluggish in thinking and work as well. By becoming more healthy, I will also be taking care of my mind.

What do you think?

Painting for Charity

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 22:54:44 GMT

This past week a random memory came to mind.

I'm not sure how old I was. Maybe grade 2 or 3. I think I thought myself quite artistic at the time so I painted several pictures: tulips on grass with a sun in the corner and the like. I was pretty impressed with my work and thought it would be good enough to sell. So I got an egg carton where I would keep the money I made and called a friend to see if she would be willing to be my first customer.

A short time later I left her house 20 cents richer and confident that my career was off to a good start.

What is surprising about this memory is that my pupose was not to get rich but rather to make money to give to those who were less fortunate, namely my cousin who was living with us who had incured a sizeable debt in illegal activity but was on the road to reform and my sister who was working and saving for Bible school. So, when I got home I wrote a note to my cousin, took half the profit (10 cents) and placed note and dime on a table in his room. I don't remember if I made it that far with my sister.

But I do remember what happened next. My mom came home. As soon as she came inside it became clear that my sister had been listening in when I had called my friend because she told my mom what I had done. Neither were impressed and told me that I had to return the 20 cents to my friend. I did so and never again tried to pursue a career in art.

As I was thinking about this memory I was trying to figure out how I felt about it. I don't remember how I felt as a child, although I do remember looking back on it at some point and being embarrassed that I had thought that a dime would be useful to anyone. But I suppose the closest emotion I could attach to my reaction now was confusion. Why did my sister think it was a bad thing that I had done? Why did my mom tell me to return the money? If I sift through my memories this is one of few, if not the only, memory I have of doing something selfless and compassionate. And yet, rather than being encouraged I was stopped.

I want to remember this memory. I want to remember this memory so that when my kids pull some stunt like this I can encourage what's good about it. Maybe give them some direction but encourage the heart behind it. Compassion is so far from human nature that it needs all the encouragement it can get.

Love Laughter

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 21:31:48 GMT

This summer I shared a special moment with my nephew. It was night time and he was tired so I read his Bible story and tried to listen to him pray. He wanted me to lay down with him. As I lay beside him, he with his eyes closed, 'sucky' in mouth and puppy in arm, he was so cute and my love for him so close to the surface that I couldn't help giggling. Well, laughing is more like it. It was a silent laugh b/c I didn't want to disturb him, but he felt the vibration, opened his eyes and seeing me laughing started to laugh. Knowing it was time to sleep I quit laughing, settled him down and as soon as he closed his eyes started laughing again. He opened his eyes, saw me and started laughing again. We played tag like that for a while until going to sleep was a joke and we walked down the hall to join the family again, Theo now wide awake and bouncing around.

Whenever I remember that laugh fest I can't help but smile and even giggle a bit. I started thinking, I wonder if God as our Father, ever looks at us and His love is so close to the surface that He begins to smile? Or laugh a little? Somehow I think He might.

I am Free to Dance, I am Free to Live for You

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 03:24:03 GMT

I love going to a good conference. A conference that is gospel centered and challenging. Too often they are fluffy with a lot of emotionalism. This past week I was a driver/chaperone for a student leadership conference for Christian schools. Although everyone who had gone had good things to say, my expectations for content were not high. I was expecting a fun and entertaining three days.

I did get that. But so much more as well.

The speaker, Glenn Maddon, was blunt and challenged action. The kind of challenge that you can't just say, or I couldn't anyway, "yeah, that's great, I should do that, but...later." He gave opportunity to respond to his challenge. The first was to respond with some action, whatever it might be, as we sang a song at the end. This may seem silly, but for me that meant raising my hands in worship. I rarely do that and feel a little awkward doing so. But for me that night, that was an action of response. Funny how a physical action that may seem very small is often connected to the spiritual and makes it easier to respond that way as well.

The second night Glenn was talking about fig leaves (a la Adam and Eve hiding from God using fig leaves). Following his message we were asked to quitely get into our room groups and have a time of confession about what some of our fig leaves are. While I didn't share as much as I could have, there was a lot of hidden wounds and sins that came to the surface in our group. The girls were being challenged to be open, just as I was challenged on a smaller level to raise my hands. It was vulnerable, there were tears, and it was good.

But what impressed me the most about the music, the main sessions and the workshops I attended is how gospel centered they were. The amazing truth that I am a sinner but that Christ has taken my sin and nailed it to His cross, not because I am worthy but because He loves me, was proclaimed again and again. During the music time we sang songs like "It is Well with my soul" with the line "My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin not in part but the whole is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!". And "Your Grace is Enough" with the line "Great is Your faithfulness oh Lord, You wrestle with the sinner's heart..." And "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe." Wonderful.

It is because of this truth, that Jesus paid it all, that I am free to dance and I am free to live for Christ. How amazing! I am free to not sin! Which means that I am free in Christ to put faith into action and to be open and vulnerable. How wonderful and how grateful I am to have been reminded again and again over the last few days.

Getting on to the Real Pleasure

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:03:54 GMT

How do people survive spiritually when they work full time? Those two years that I did not work in a 9-5, 'secular' job I knew I was spoiled being able to spend relaxed, extended time in my 'closet'. I always felt sorry for students and others who work, who have most of the hours of their days booked. I'm still advantaged by not working every day and yet I'm remembering how hard it is.

It's hard work getting to know Creator God and His Son Jesus Christ. Theoretically it should be filled with ease and joy. After all, God is the answer to all our desires. The fulfillment of every longing. But how shallow my desire or as CS Lewis would say, I am far to easily pleased. Because I find pleasure in sleep (especially) or thinking about a recently watched movie, or the tasks for the day ahead and so it becomes work to get beyond those small pleasures that so easily satisfy for the moment to get on to the real pleasure: Jesus Christ Himself.

I so often think of the great men and women who have gone before. For example Hudson Taylor (I believe) would get up at 2 in the morning, spend a couple hours in prayer and reading the Bible and then go back to sleep because that was when he had quiet. I want my connection with the Lord to be that important and that vital but as someone has said, "I'm learning that discipline takes discipline."

Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

Motivation for Beauty (for Single Women)

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 22:24:04 GMT

With all the thinking I've been doing lately about marriage and roles about men and women, a fairly unique thought has come to me regarding beauty. Several months ago I read Shaunti Feldhahn's book For Women Only. The book is targeted at married women to teach them about what's going on in the inner life of their men. One of the points she makes is that men appreciate when their wives make an effort to be healthy and attractive at whatever stage she's at in life.

So what's my point and how does this connect to singles? I think as singles we all are concerned about what we look like and looking good, although in varying degrees of intensity. So we don't necessarily need a reminder to take care of ourselves physically but I think that we can have a different perspective on why we take care of ourselves physically.

I've thought of this in a few areas. One is my hair. I havn't dyed it or permed it. When I was younger it was because it would have been rebellious growing up in a more conservative home, but now there are several reasons. One reason is that it's a way of serving my future husband; so that he will have soft hair to play with. Another area is weight loss and toning my body. Again, there are several reasons why I've started getting more physically active (and by more I mean from zero to just enough to say I'm doing something!) but one of the things I've thought of is it's another way of serving my future husband; by having a healthier and more beautiful body, his pleasure in me can be increased.

My point is that it is possible to pursue physical attractiveness with a motivation of service. Simply put: wanting to bring delight to our husband. It doesn't necessarily change what we're doing, but it takes the focus off us and puts it on someone else, even though we may never have met him. A friend of mine blogged a while ago about being intentional and thinking of the 'so that...' of what we do. In this case to think, "I'm going to be healthy so that I have a greater gift to give my husband in my body" rather than "I'm going to be healthy so that I can look good and will be the centre of attention wherever I go." Of course, this should not be the only motivation for being healthy and looking good, or maybe even the primary reason, but I think it's a good thing to think about.

Two points of clarification. One, by preparing myself for my husband, that does not give me free license to display myself in the mean time. The gift of my body is for my future husband, not every guy I meet in between. Second, I am not suggesting that we need to achieve, or should even strive to achieve, the standard of beauty that Hollywood has created. In Bible school, one of the most beautiful girls was overweight. Even though she wasn't a size 0, she dressed attractively and applied makeup appropriately. She had a beauty that radiated and it was impossible to not say that she was beautiful, regardless of her size. What I am suggesting is striving to look our best at whatever weight, age, height we are or whatever body shape we have.

Really, I'm not suggesting any changes in what we are doing as women to look beautiful, as much as giving another reason for thinking about our appearance: that of serving our future husbands.

Your thoughts? I wouldn't mind some feedback on this one.

Joy: Trust, Love

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 23:12:13 GMT

It has come to my attention that I don't smile very much anymore. I often feel tired and lacking of energy. I've really been feeling it again these last few days. I think it has to do with a few things. Selfishness and service is part of it, but I'll save that for a future post. Today I want to write about trust and love.

One of the reasons I've been lacking in joy this year has been doubting God. Specifically doubting that He will provide for me. Not doubting whether He is able but doubting whether He will choose to.

When I was in highschool I read George Muller's biography (the man who ran an orphanage without ever asking for money, sometimes feeding up to 2000 orphans at a time) and in Bible school Hudson Taylor's biography (a missionary to China, who also never asked for money but trusted God to provide). These two books have had a large influence in shaping my perspective on finances in ministry.

Through a variety of events I have found myself following in their footsteps as far as my situation goes: without employment being dependent on God to meet my physical needs. I say 'as far as my situation goes' because I have not found myself following in their footsteps as far as attitude and trust goes. I thought it would be easy, and 'of course God will provide', but it's not. Having repeatedly been faced with an empty bank account, wallet and gas tank, my faith has wavered. I've started asking "Are You going to provide?" rather than "How are you going to provide?" Whenever I was in a state of need I would start trying to work it out in my head, which would distract me from investing in the lives of those around me as well as doing things with joy. Rather than looking forward to different opportunities and meetings with joy, I would be thinking about the gas money. Every time I would receive a gift or wage, rather than praising God for showing Himself faithful, I would already be thinking ahead to the next need and wondering how it would be met.

I kept pushing these feelings down, not wanting to admit that I wasn't trusting God. Then it registered about a month ago that I was harbouring bitterness toward God. I had come to see Him as a distant God who may or may not come through for me. As though I was coming to Him and saying "Here's my need. Are you going to take care of me or do I need to take care of myself?" The light came on as I was thinking on something that Charles Spurgeon wrote about being able to trust Jesus as a person. He was saying that we might not be able to trust a church or a promise or a doctrine, but Jesus, we can trust HIM. Yes, I can trust HIM. I don't need to cling to a promise or doctrine, I can cling to HIM. I can trust HIM. I can trust His character.

This is where the love part comes in. At the heart of it I was doubting that God loved me. That God through Jesus really had my best in mind. Suddenly it became clear that God is for me! He's not waiting to trip me up, or whimsically deciding how to deal with me. No, He is watching me as the perfect Father, gently moving me and the circumstances around me to care for me, teach me and use me. Therefore, in every situation, He WILL do what is best for me. Apparently, and I can see it now, what was best for me this past year was to be forced to walk step by step, in baby steps of provision. It has taught me so much about myself, how controlling I am, how quickly tossed. It's also taught me a lot about God, because really, He has provided perfectly, in His timing, not mine. He wisely knew that I need to go through valleys to see myself, as well as Him, more clearly.

And how does that relate to joy? Realizing that my Heavenly Father loves me and is for me (not because of me but because of Jesus Christ), how can that not bring joy? It's like a little girl secure in her daddy's love, or a young woman who has just been told she is loved by that special someone. It radiates. Now, to remember that!

(As a side note, I did not write this post as a plea for money. While I am very grateful to those through whom God has provided, I do not expect that everyone is called to support me financially. The only reason I have brought that into this is because, number one, otherwise my lesson would be very abstract and hard to describe and number two, to highlight God's faithfulness.)

Daughter of Eve

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 02:52:12 GMT

Two weekends ago I had the wonderful treat of having my good friend Megaan come up for a visit. Even though the nights were short, it was a refreshing breath of fresh air! Our weekend mostly consisted of talking and consuming coffee. Usually just straight coffee but we did make ourselves some 'girly coffee', as Megaan so aptly calls it, on Sunday afternoon.

But also, we attended the Borderland Ladies Retreat. I have not attended many ladies retreats, but this one definitely takes the cake! (Ha! No pun intended! We had amazing cake there.) Solid and challenging sessions, 250+ women from all kinds of backgrounds gathering to worship God together, and of course great fellowship over great food.

While there were many good things to take away from the weekend, one phrase stood out to me. It was said in one of the workshops entitled "The Treasure of Womanhood." The speaker focused on Eve and what she has to teach us about womanhood. First of all, Eve teaches us about who we were created to be. As women we are the pinnacle of God's creation. We are created to display the beauty and glory of God in a way nothing else in creation can. We were also created to play an irreplaceable part beside 'Adam' in the adventure of life, to be his helper and supporter. But Eve was deceived. Satan convinced her that God was holding out on her, that God was holding back something good from her. It was at this point that the speaker made this comment:

"We really are the daughters of Eve aren't we?"

Hmmm. True, isn't it ladies? Yes, we are her daughters in that we still display the beauty and glory of God in a way that nothing else in creation can. Yes, we are her daughters in that we still have an irreplacable part in the adventure of life and are called to be helpers and supporters to the men in our lives. And yes, we are definitely her daughters in that we are deceived.

One way we are deceived hit me anew just recently. We have been deceived to think that to be the head of the home automatically makes the man superior. Or the pastor, or any place of authority. We have been deceived to think that we are inferior in value to anyone we submit too. We've also been deceived to think that true freedom is to be found in being as much like men as we can be; to do anything men can do. This is not true freedom! To try to be men is to lower ourselves, just as for a man to try to be a woman is lowering himself! In both cases we are becoming less than what God created us to be! Different roles do not mean different value.

Another area of deception is to think that God is holding back something good; giving us the shaft. For each of us that may be something different. Things like a new car, a house, a husband, a better personality, more gifts, a less messy past. God was not keeping Eve from something good. Rather through her sin she experienced pain, loss and frustration for the first time. So too, God is not keeping us from good. No, He IS good. It is who He is and whatever He gives us is for our good.

There's a lot of good stuff to learn from Eve. So, I'll give you links to a couple great resources. One is Twelve Extraordinary Women by John MacArthur. The other is Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge.

Wrong About Being Right

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 23:27:38 GMT

I'm 'always right', which has caused more damage to myself and others than if I were unsure about my state of rightness and was rather filled with love and gentleness. Yesterday I was right about the 'War on Terror'. This morning I was right about how to order a worship service (although I didn't vocalize this one). This afternoon I was right about David's parenting skills. A few recent examples, but hardly the most hurtful over the years.

1 Corinthians 13 tells me that even if I can fathom all mysteries and understand all knowledge, if I don't love, I am nothing. I am not saying that I can fathom all mysteries or can understand all knowledge, far from it, but I usually act like I can, and even more so, that others can't. I see this a lot in the way my extended family has discussions and it's not very pretty. Hardly a trait of the woman who has a "gentle and quiet spirit."

So, I havn't arrived. There's still definite ugliness lurking in my heart that spills out from time to time. Do me a favour. If I get on my high horse, gently remind me that I am in fact not the all knowing God. I need to be reminded.

Discipline

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 18:37:33 GMT

There's a cry in my heart for Your glory to fall

For Your presence to fill up my senses

There's a yearning within,

A thirst for discipline, a hunger for things that are deeper.

(Cry in my Heart, Tim and Jon Neufeld)

Discipline. In one of our sessions my discipler asked me "What do you think of when you hear the word discipline?" My response? "I hate it." I suppose there are some people who are naturally disciplined but they are among the privileged few. I really do want to be disciplined but I don't want to be disciplined. It reminds of something a good friend of mine said, "I want to learn how to play guitar but I don't want to learn how to play guitar." I want to be at the state of arrival without going through the process of getting there. Sad part is, that's not possible.

For some reason, God has designed things so that discipline is a very important part of our lives, especially as Christians. It's even a fruit of the Spirit. Paul tells Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:7 that God has given him a spirit of 'self-discipline.' Paul was one of the best examples of self-discipline. In 1 Corinthians 9 he talks about how he beats his body so that he can run 'the race.'

Discipline is saying no to a present short lived pleasure in exchange for a greater future pleasure. But saying no hurts. It's a sacrifice. Not in comparison to the greater pleasure to come but it's hard to remember that in the moment. The future good is usually not tangible in the moment. For example, one of the greatest shrines I have built to worship myself is sleep. I have discovered that sleeping in does not benefit me. It causes me to have less energy and my mind to be more scattered. Because of this my passion for God and the ministry He has put before me is greatly hindered when I don't discipline myself to get up early in the morning. And yet, my first conscious thought in the morning is most often, "What do I need to do today? So how much longer can I sleep?" I know that for my greater good I should get up and begin my day but at that moment it seems irrelevant in the midst of the short lived pleasure of enjoying the comfort of my bed.

I praise God, though, that He doesn't let me stay in the rut I am in. He has not only been convicting me about my lack of discipline but is slowly but surely starting to give me a desire for discipline. It's starting with little things. Like, giving up coffee for a day. I don't even know if I've made it as far as a baby step ahead but for greater joy, I'm praying for discipline.

Weather and Sovereignty

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 18:00:02 GMT

This has been the driest year I have ever seen in my 22 years. I would say that it might be that my memory is bad or that I'm still really young but there are others who are twice my age who are saying similar things. We have not cut our lawn in probably over a month and it doesn't look like we'll need to cut it again this year. Forest fires are just waiting to happen. Right now it looks like rain but after a short mist it's gone. For my African friends seeing these pictures probably doesn't look too bad, but for those of you who have been to the Rainy River District you know that this is strange and abnormal.

But one thing that extreme weather consistently reminds me of is the sovereignty of God. There are so many ways in our lives that we think we can control things but weather is not one of them. We just can't. So as I look out over the dry, sun-burnt lawn that crunches when you walk on it, I have to say "The Lord knows that we need rain and yet He is choosing to not send it." Maybe to remind us that we're actually not in control. Maybe to turned hardened hearts back to Him. Who knows. But it's for His glory.

The Little Sin

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 17:57:37 GMT

I read this quote recently: "...what is the intrinsic effect of sin and wandering? We turn in on ourselves and away from God. Even the 'little sins', like complaining, expunge the Lord from his universe. Sin curves in on itself." (Speaking Truth in Love, David Powlison)

This made me pause, which is not surpising for just that morning I had read from Exodus 15 a little story about the Israelites. They had just miraculously been led through the Red Sea on dry ground and seen their enemies be swept into the sea. Three days later they find themselves in the desert without any water. They find some water but can't drink it because it's bitter. So what do they do? Grumble.

At first the usual thoughts and feelings surfaced within me: ungrateful Israelites, didn't they remember what God had just done? But with His gentle finger God pointed to my own heart. When I am in a place of need with seeming nowhere to turn I have an ungrateful and unbelieving heart too. I breathe a sigh of relief when God comes through for me but quickly forget what He has done in the anxiety of the next season of need and even doubt if He will do as He promised. (Philippians 4:19)

As David Powlison said, a complaining spirit turns us away from God and focusses us on ourselves. A friend of mine once said that the not being thankful is the first step away from God. When I complain I am seeing the 'mountain' of my need or discomfort and am blinded from God's ability and power, not to mention His immeasurable greatness worthy of worship. Complaining is another form of worshipping myself. I complain because I think I deserve better or that I deserve to be comfortable.

To be honest, I don't think of myself as a complainer but I also know that I am not a grateful person and according to James it's just as bad. I want to be a grateful person. Thankful people's faces shine and they are enjoyable to be with, to give to. Thankful people are humble people. Thankful people are especially those who have encountered God's grace in a way that has left them changed forever and as a result they treat others with similar grace. They are people who are not easily put out. People like one gentleman who, whenever asked how he was doing, would respond, "Better than I deserve." I want this. I want to be like this.

So simple. So difficult.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Sovereign God

Thu, 04 May 2006 02:20:54 GMT

Tomorrow I embark on a new adventure. I think other people are more excited than I am! Somehow it hasn't really sunk in yet that I'm going to Africa. I don't know if it ever will really. I don't tend to be easily or deeply affected by things like this, culture shock and such. Of course, I've never been to Africa either.

My enouragement as I go is that God knows exactly what's going to happen while I'm gone: while I'm going/there as well as here at home. In fact, the whole thing was His idea. He knows if I'm going to have flight delays, lost luggage or health problems. It's all in His plan.

That is true not only for me on this trip to Africa but in everything in every part of our lives. We go through our day making many choices, but as it says in Proverbs, "The mind of a man plans his way but the LORD directs his steps." When I look back on my life I can see the fingerprints of God all over my life. He has directed my life from before I was conceived. As it says in Psalm 139 "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." He planned where I would be born, to whom I would be born, who my siblings would be, and what colour hair and eyes I would have. He continues to guide my life and my choices according to His plan for His glory in my life.

Some people think that having God control everything is restrictive. It feels like we can't do what we want to do. But the fact is no matter how much we tell ourselves otherwise, we are restricted. Even though we live in a 'free' country like Canada, all our decisions are controlled or at least strongly influenced. Besides not being able to choose where we are born and so on, there are other examples. When I go grocery shopping I can't just have a free choice. My choices are controlled and influenced by several factors: what my family likes to eat, what is available at the store, what my culture and my mom's cooking has told me tastes good and what I can afford to name a few. We also cannot choose what the weather will be like (and good thing too because everyone would want something different! More snow, more rain, less rain, more sun....). So we're restricted whether or not it is God who is in control. But if He's not in control than this world is a scary place to be because everything happens by chance. If He IS in control than there is no place we can go where He is not watching over us and guiding us.

There is incredible freedom in realizing this. What this means is that I can never make such a bad decision that God's plan is damaged or cannot come to pass. It also means that everything that I encounter in this life has come about as a part of God's plan so I can rejoice in it knowing it comes from the hand of a loving Father, even when it doesn't seem very loving from a human standpoint. In Jeremiah 29:11 God promises that His plans are ultimately for our good, which is also for His glory.

Praise God, He knows, and He is good.

I don't have to sin!

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 01:52:04 GMT

I've been spending some time in Romans of late. It has been said that if every book of the Bible but Romans were destroyed, there would be no fear of anything being left out of the gospel. I believe it. This blog I'm thinking specifically of chapter six.

I remember the first time I encountered the teaching that we don't need to sin. I was reading Chuck Swindoll's The Grace Awakening. It blew me away and as I think about it now it still excites me. When we became united with Christ (became Christians) we were not only saved from the penalty of sin but also the dominion, or rule, or power, of sin. Before we 'became Christians', we were slaves of sin. We thought we were making our own choices and that we had freedom. A lot of people still think they do. They think it's fun to sin and that living for Jesus takes all the fun out of life. But really it's only misery. As the Message puts it:

As long as you did what you felt like doing, ignoring God, you didn't have to bother with right thinking or right living, or right anything for that matter. But do you call that a free life? What did you get out of it? Nothing you're proud of now. Where did it get you? A dead end.

So really, it's not freedom. It's slavery.

Living for Jesus means a change in masters. Rather than serving sin and death, we serve the Author of Life. When that happens sin's power over us is BROKEN. We have died to sin. We don't live in it anymore. And "this death [to sin] occurred even though the believers may not be aware of it." (Jerry Bridges, The Disciplines of Grace) That's the only reason that Christians are not living more sinless lives: we don't realize we serve a new master. Do we still sin? Of course. But we do not live in it. It's not our dominant way of life anymore. It's not our master.

So what does that mean practically? That means I don't have to let my frustration govern my decisions when things aren't going the way I would like them to. That means I don't have to be angry at people when they don't meet my expectations. That means that I don't have to please myself in the morning and sleep in rather than getting up and using my time wisely (yeah, that one needs work!). That means I don't have to let ungodly thoughts stay in my mind. It means a lot of things. It's freedom!

Approaching Easter

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 19:52:11 GMT

As Easter weekend approaches we prepare to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. While the cross should be close to our thoughts year round, it's a specific time we set aside to remember. Having grown up in a Christian environment I've heard many descriptions of the crucifixion, each more graphic than the last. I used to enjoy, for lack of a better word, listening to these descriptions because of the emotional response that I had to them. I have even written or spoken descriptions of my own. And of course the more graphic and the more shocking, the better.

Today I heard a graphic description again. About halfway through I had the same reaction I had halfway through Mel Gibson's 'The Passion': when will this be over? Not from boredom, but from wanting to cover my ears and block out the words. It's not a comfortable story. It's not an enjoyable story. It's downright gory.

As I sat there I came to a realization. Unless we see the bigger picture of what the crucifixion really meant, it is nothing more than a gory tale that arouses our emotions. And the bigger picture is not "see how much Jesus suffered for us." The bigger picture is that I am a sinner who hated God and was condemned to absence from God and God the Father sent God the Son to live out my sentence so that I might know God. Unless we understand that we are sinners needing to be punished, the cross is a slightly uncomfortable tragedy of a hero suffering to rescue the innocent victim.

So as we hear descriptions of the crucifixion this weekend, may we be made more aware of the seriousness of our sin and more grateful for the abundant grace of God and not merely be moved emotionally.

"I Will Do It"

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 04:52:53 GMT

I laugh at myself because it doesn't matter how well I learn a lesson...I need to relearn it almost immediately. It seems the most continuous one for me is to rest in God; to depend on Him. Some time ago I wrote a short song, or rather an incomplete song, based on a line I read in Valley of Vision and also one of the Psalms.

Great God, Mover of all things

Nothing exceeds Your power

Immovable Rock, Victorious Warrior

You are faithful to every promise

With God there is nothing that is impossible. This morning I read from John 14 "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father." Ultimately the purpose is glorifying the Father, God. So if what I'm facing is God's will, if it will bring glory to Him, then why on earth am I worrying about it? Why am I not trusting? In 1 John we read that if we ask anything according to God's will, He'll do it. Right now what I am looking at is going to see my sponsor child in Uganda. It's confusing and complex. Part of me wants to be denied access just so I have an excuse for not trusting God to meet all the needs to get there. Why do I short change myself of seeing God work? I don't know but I do know that there is freedom in expectantly running towards the open door that God has placed in front of me. If He has opened the door, He will provide all that's needed for the journey.

Amazing Grace

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 20:08:03 GMT

This summer on the canoe trip one of the staff members made a comment along these lines: "What I've noticed is that people who have grown up in a Christian home don't see the grace of God very easily. Because I have a 'testimony', I am very aware of God's grace." Very true.

I am definitely of the 'Christian home' variety who has not only taken grace forgranted but for the most part not understood it; knowing that grace is "getting what we don't deserve" but not knowing experientially why I didn't deserve it. By God's grace, He has been teaching me day by day to see His grace not just through theological eyes, but also to be awed by it and thankful for it.

First off, I have learned that the gospel can be summed up into two sentences:

1. I am a great sinner

2. Jesus is a great Saviour

It is impossible to appreciate the second without understanding the former. I have written a blog about sin previously (January 4) but this quote from The Valley of Vision in a prayer entitled "Self-Knowledge" words it well. "I have cause to loathe myself, and not to seek self-honour, for no one desires to commend his own dunghill." God has been abundantly gracious to me in the way He has worked in my life. I honestly do not remember a day without Christ. Paul said in Philippians 3 that he had a lot of reasons to boast. So do I. I grew up in a Christian home, go to church and went to a Christian school, never committed any 'major sins' and have always been zealous for God. That is the grace of God active in my life BUT because that is how He has chosen to work in my life, it is incredibly easy to miss His grace, to pass over it, to think it's because I'M so good. No matter what my situation or reputation, God is showing me more clearly all the time that I am indeed a great sinner. Every day, every hour, every moment.

Which would be depressing if not for the second sentence. Hallelujah! I have a great Saviour! I say with Paul, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Simple Things

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 05:46:04 GMT

Tonight I got to experience one of the best things ever: being outside singing silly songs around a campfire with a bunch of friends. Hard to beat. It's good to get outside and be active. A perfect night for it weather wise.

Someone pointed out to me recently that as people get older they are less and less amazed and moved at the little things, the simple things. Things like taking that first sip of a soothingly hot coffee concoction in the early morning, especially if it's at camp. Finding Orion's belt on a clear night. The cozy feeling of being warm under the covers and knowing it's not time to get up yet.

I praise GOD for the little things. I like to call them love notes from GOD. Little moments of pleasure that make the day lighter and brighter, and, if we respond right, turn our eyes to Him. The Bible talks a lot about being thankful and I truly think we need to thank GOD more often for the little things He has given us to enjoy. A friend shared with me recently that the first sign of falling away from GOD is to quit being thankful. Quite a strong statement, but I think it has truth. As soon as we quit being thankful, the attitude that comes out is that we deserve all the good things we get. I know that ingratitude is one of my larger sins. And what does that stem from? Pride.

Isn't that so true? The more humble we are, the more the simple amazes us. Like the cross (although it could be argued that the cross is not simple). Through Jesus' sacrifice, I can know GOD and be called His child, sinner that I am. Ungrateful wretch that I am. That's the most amazing of simple things but any simple pleasure sent our way should really cause us to lift our voices in praise and thanksgiving.

Can I hear an amen?

My Best Friend, My GOD

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 21:20:37 GMT

In Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem he refers to the fact that GOD knows everything and asks how knowing that truth affects our relationship to Him. A flood of praise came over me as I thought about that. There is absolutely nothing that I cannot talk to GOD about. There are no walls there. He is the only one who is always there and the only one who fully understands me. I don't have to worry about explaining myself to GOD so that I make sense. I don't want this to cloud how vast and immense and powerful He is; that just makes it more wonderful. Even though He is great and beyond anything we can imagine and worthy of awe, worship, reverence and adoration, He is personal. He is an intricate part of my life. He speaks to me through His Word and His Spirit. He guides me. He gives me peace. I can truly say that He is my best friend. Not in the sense of a buddy-buddy equal. Absolutely not for I am weak, He is strong; I am poor, He is rich; I am wicked, He is beautiful. But in the sense that there is none who knows me more intimately yet loves me, who influences me so strongly and who I could dare desire more. Tim and Jon Neufeld write in Cry in My Heart, "For what do I have if I don't have You Jesus, what in this life could mean anymore?" The psalmist writes in Psalm 73:25, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." The apostle Paul writes, "What is more I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ." (Philippians 3:8) As one hymn puts it "Take the world, but give me Jesus." Who am I, Jesus, that You love me? Who am I, that You care for me? Who am I that I dare call You friend?

Appreciating the Past

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 22:20:41 GMT

I did not grow up with a desire to know about my parents or grandparents upbringing or even a very high value on family relationships. The loss has been mine.

A few months ago I began to read a book written by my Grandpa entitled "The Life Experiences of Jake K. Friesen." Although I have not finished it, I find it fascinating. I have a hard time imagining what times were like when my Grandpa was growing up. To be entirely honest, I find it surprising. Somehow envisioning my Grandpa as a young boy playing tricks on a Jewish man taking a nap in the barn just doesn't fit the picture of who my Grandpa is today. I've also come to enjoy more deeply listening to stories as my aunts or uncles reminisce about their childhood experiences. There is a wealth of entertainment there. The stories of the past are far more interesting than most of the ones we're living. What will we tell our kids? "Well, here's a great story. One night we watched a movie that had an excellent plot. The acting was superb...." Or "My favourite pastime was spending hours on the internet chatting with friends..." Just not quite the same impact.

I've also come to appreciate the spiritual legacy my Grandma left. I didn't get to know my Grandma really well while she was living, even though we lived close to the farm. Now that she's gone I've learned that my Grandma was a real prayer warrior. It is said that she prayed every day for her children and grandchildren. She memorized a lot, even though she had a poor memory, sometimes memorizing a verse a day and then reciting all 31 verses at the end of the month in order. Another thing she did was sing through the Christian Hymnal (the hymnal we use at our church), singing every song she knew. Something I learned just this Sunday as my uncles were reminiscing is that often at night Grandma would sit at the table with whoever of her children were around. Sometimes she would read a chapter of a book to them. They said that they always felt they could talk about anything with Grandma. What an amazing woman. As I look back on that legacy and where the family is at now, I believe that her prayers for her family are being answered and that those prayers are a large reason for why this family is so devoted to GOD. As far as I know, everyone in the family with an understanding has received Christ as Saviour and many, if not most, are very involved in their churches.

In a way I feel like I've missed out on so much of the heritage that I have. I am super grateful that my Grandpa put his memories down on paper, I think every Grandparent should do that. But also I have a greater desire to learn more about what the past was like, to get to know the people who have gone before.